Hippies and Barelvis Clash Over Misunderstanding

By Mueze Bawany, Editor

A sign labelled, “Lexington Barelvi Masjid is now going green,” stands outside the small mosque. Little did residents know this small sign would create a scuffle between the sect occupying the center and a group of nature loving community members excited over progress. 

Representatives from the Lexington Barelvi Masjid (LBM) were confused at the initial angst shown by the “hippie” community over their observation of the masjid after the center had declared a “Green Initiative”. “We are very proud of our beautifying efforts. We have made every nook, corner, and cranny green, representing our undeniable love for the Rasul (pbuh),” preached Imam Abdul-Majeed Khan. After giving the hippies a tour of the masjid and it’s grounds, Imam Khan was deeply disappointed by their reactions and perplexed by the questions asked.

Wanting to address the congregation, Khan decided to speak to hippie crowd, “Recycling? conservation? why dwell on those when pictures of Medina are around you, and our phenomenal green lights always stay on.” The crowd grew restless and in an instant…a fight broke out. Imam Khan, in an attempt to stop the fighting, found himself being choked out by a decorative bag from Whole Foods. Ultimately, the authorities were alerted and the hysteria was quelled. 

In the aftermath, the two communities find themselves at a greater loss and disdain for each other. However, the real losers in this mini-war were the environment and interior design.

Masjid Youth Fired for ‘Instagramming’ Art

Editor’s note: Mueze Bawany, who writes a weekly column for Mooease.com, was named journalist of the year by his parents and is a 2011 Online Rant Award finalist for Ranting. He is a senior writer and columnist for Mansfield Masjid and iamabdullahj.com. Follow him on Twitter: @Mueze

SoHo, NY (Islamic Center of SoHo) — Uproar has spread in the community of SoHo over the firing of a young Art Secretary, Haseeb Rahman, at the Islamic Center of SoHo (ICSH). The official cause for Rahman’s firing has been labelled as insubordination. Rahman, however, feels differently, “They (administration) are stuck in the past! If I try to liven up the masjid slightly or bring them to the future…it’s like ‘no dude, you can’t do that’ and I’m like ‘why not brah’, and you know they just blow me off as whatever,” rambled the young man.

The masjid administration of ICSH has repeatedly denied any bias or lack of ground for the firing. Board member Abdullah Jangda described the decision as, “unfortunate but something that needed to be done, we were extremely patient with him (Haseeb), but he consistently went against our wishes. We even went out of our way to accommodate some of his ideas to show him our willingness to find common ground..but at some point we had to stop.” Jangda went on and spoke about the tumultuous year since Rahman joined the masjid. Rahman, 19, has been an active youth at the center since he was 15 and befriended Jangda and other members, so much so that they found promise in the young man.

“He was charming, he worked at the Apple store, wore really cool glasses, and he was devout. We felt he would really help us see the perspective of the youth..but what we felt was ideal soon turned into a hipster nightmare,” said Jangda. After Rahman’s hiring the masjid saw changes ranging from the installation and computing switch over to the Macintosh platform all the way to the masjid slipper supply switching from popular South Asian brand “Bata” to American brand “Toms”.

Many community elders complained that they missed the flying toaster screen-savers (see here) they were accustomed to and also complained of the discomfort from wearing the trendy Toms slip-on shoes. Through the criticism, the board preached patience from community, and a need to ensure the youth felt at home. The community hesitantly trusted the board with changes, until the 15th of May, when Haseeb Rahman went “too far”.

A week before the incident in question, Jangda had requested Rahman order some new art for the masjid. The masjid had not added new imagery to the hallways or Musalla area, and Jangda had felt the time was right for a change while the previous art would be donated. Trusting Rahman with the task turned to ultimately be Rahman’s undoing as a week later, before Dhuhr prayer, masjid regulars were shocked to see the new art the masjid had acquired.

“This isn’t even art, they are a bunch a stupid filters used on already perfect photography,” proclaimed SoHo Community College art teacher and resident Adam Taufique. Other board members were not as nice. “This is terrible, what does it have to do with Islam” said Farhan Abdullah, local Chipotle owner and resident, “I mean some of these images are pictures of streets and clouds..I’m so confused.”

Seeing the discomfort and angst from his community, Jangda acted. He summoned Rahman to his office, and politely told the young man that his services were no longer required. “You can’t instagram images and assume they will do..it’s an insult to the masjid..and actual photographers,” explained Jangda to Rahman. 

After the dismissal, Jangda felt Rahman took it well, but unfortunately that was not the case. Rahman quickly went to twitter and instagram to discuss his story and plead his case. Rahman’s appeals quickly caused protest at Isha prayer, but a day later the complaints disappeared. Jangda chalks it up to kids being lazy and emotional.

Even through these issues, Jangda has no reason not to be positive. He mentions that the community is enjoying the Apple setup and Rahman still attends prayers regularly, while also making a mean espresso on Thursdays when he works at the community cafe. Jangda believes things will always workout, “it’s just these damned hipsters..love ‘em or hate ‘em…they are part of our community,” Jangda concludes with a smirk.

The Interim Imam

Our masjid is looking for a new imam, during this time some of our elders have suggested we find someone at an interim level. For whatever reason, this has inspired my father to throw his hat into the ring…

“How difficult could it be? I lead salah, relate to the children..it’s only temporary”, says my father.

Moments after emailing the masjid board indicating interest, and at some level intent, it soon became imperative for me to respond. Like any son, who doesn’t want his father to put himself in a precarious position, I emailed the board as well. I feel bad, mainly because I referenced my father as the Rick Santorum of this election/decision process. The board ensured me they would respectfully decline the offer from my father.

*Exhale*

He’ll thank me in the future.